Regaining Power

http://www.thebridgemaker.com/five-powerful-ways-to-regain-control-of-your-life-now/

At times, it can feel like our life is spinning out of control. When this happens, we begin to believe we are completely powerless to the circumstances that dictate and shape our lives. There is no question our lives can be overwhelming and seemingly chaotic from time-to-time.

The good news, though, is we do have the power to reclaim and create the life we want. If we choose to learn the following and apply the powerful lessons found in each, then we can begin to take back control of our life:

1. Be Selfish
2. Say No
3. Step Away
4. No More Excuses
5. Look Forward – Not Back

Be Selfish

Contrary to popular belief, it’s okay to be selfish – as long as it is done in moderation. After all, the only way we can be a positive influence in the lives of others is if we first become a positive influence in our own.

By becoming more selfish, we force ourselves into a position where we consider what will make us a better person. By default, this will usually have a positive effect on the people around us.

There are many productive ways to practice being selfish. The first, and most important way, is simply to begin taking care of you. Watch what you eat and try to exercise when you can. Be aware of your bad habits and negative thinking and replace these things with positive choices and thoughts. Make time during the day to take care of you.

There is a significant correlation between how you feel about yourself and you feel about life. Depression and a sense of dread can begin to seep into your thoughts and attitudes when you don’t take the time you need. Recognize these feelings when you become aware you are not doing what you could to take better care of yourself.

Be selfish. Do things that are good for you and will lead to feeling better about yourself and your life. Refrain from cutting corners. Purposeful selfishness will give you the confidence and momentum necessary to begin regaining control of your life.

Say No

Most people who feel powerless in their life have done so willingly because they haven’t learned the art of saying “No.”

Resolve yourself to the fact that it’s impossible for you to make everyone happy, and start to consider the ramifications of saying “Yes,” to everyone. Once you learn how to tell people “No,” you will find you will not only have more time to put back in your life, but you will also experience less anxiety about the need to live up to the expectations you allow others to place on you.

When you try to be all things to all people you may become nothing for yourself.

Leading a life of happiness is about making choices and setting boundaries. You do have the ability to control whether or not you make time for yourself. The habit of saying “Yes,” usually stems from the fact you may feel uncomfortable with saying “No,” and you may be unable to define clear boundaries for yourself.

In other words, the need to please others is greater than the need to take care of yourself. The truth is you will never truly please others because you will never be able to define, or achieve, what it is they want you to do. This leads to a sense of hopelessness, failure and a lack of control over your own life.

Begin today by setting some healthy and realistic boundaries for yourself. You do control the pace and quality of your own life. When you need to take a timeout to take care of yourself, you have the right and responsibility to say “No,” and begin to take back some power in your life.

Step Away

The best way to regain control of your life is to step away and really look at your life for what it is. Take a day, or even a weekend if possible, and step outside of the normal things that happen day-to-day.

By giving yourself the opportunity to take a full step back will provide the time and space to look at things from a different perspective. As a result, you will have a better chance to see the obstacle and the things that need to be addressed in order to help you regain complete control of your life.

Coping with the complexity of life may find us straining to find the energy just to make it through each day. Illness or family problems may cause additional stress. We may feel a creeping sense of weariness with life, a sense that life is just too hard and not much fun. Even though we desire it, we’re not sure our lives fit into a meaningful pattern.

If you are contemplating the meaning or purpose of your life, take the time to step away and complete a full inventory of your life. Carefully consider and answer the following statements (do you agree or disagree?). They are intended to evaluate your progress and inspire further progress in the realization of your life purpose and to help you regain control:

• I often try to ignore the unresolved issues in my life.
• I take seriously the dreams and passions for my life.
• The world doesn’t offer me much hope for a better life. I don't believe this one.
• I only occasionally take time to truly let loose and play.
• I frequently see the silver lining in the setbacks in my life.
• Most of my energy goes into making it through each day.
• I find it easy to bask in the magic of the present moment.
• I experience myself as connected to the ebb and flow of life.
• My talents are essential for helping me get what I want in life.
• I’m not inclined to make major changes in the direction of my life.
• When conflicts arise, I can usually see from the other’s perspective.
• I sometimes get an inner sense I’m supposed to meet certain people.
• I frequently feel the need to protect myself from the demands of the world.
• I have some regular activities which further my growth in body, mind and spirit.

For the statements that are working for you, make certain you continue to make these a priority in your life. For the statements that are not working, consider what resources (time, money, and other people) you would need in order to turn these around. Focus on one at a time.

You don’t have to eat the elephant all in one bite. Just do what you can, when you can; but begin by taking action today. Once you take action, a newfound sense of control, power and self-confidence will develop thereby giving you the ability to devote more energy to changing what’s important to you. Don’t delay. Begin today, right now.

No More Excuses

If you find yourself in a position where you have lost control of your life then it’s easy to start making excuses as to why or how it happened. What’s equally easy is to begin to assign blame for how things turned out in your life.

Resolve not to make excuses for why things have happened this way and refuse to pass blame. It’s not worth wasting valuable energy on things that ultimately don’t matter. Instead use that energy to make things better.

In most circumstances, we are responsible for the state and quality of our lives. We, you and I, are responsible for the choices we make and the resulting consequences. The gift of Free Will can be both a blessing and a curse.

Free Will allows us to live the life of our choosing and liking. We are given the opportunity to select our friends and life partner; we get to decide what we want to do and where we want to do it. Free Will is a blank check for which we are allowed to write in any amount we would like.

Free Will also makes us accountable and responsible. Because we are given the autonomy to make whatever choices we see fit, the outcome of these choices belongs to us, too.

When our relationships fail or when our careers get off track, we must take a hard look at what we did to contribute to these circumstances. Typically when things go bad, there’s always “the rest of the story.” Meaning, it’s not just because our boss is overly demanding, the rest of story as to why our career is off track is because of an action we did, or didn’t, do.

The bottom line is to stop making excuses and begin to put energy into doing what can be done to take back control of your life. Assigning blame is useless and requires too much energy.

Making the decision to move forward and to take full responsibility for your actions does free you and inspires you to live with passion and confidence. It’s easy to say that something or someone is keeping you from doing whatever it is you want to do; but it’s courageous to be the owner of your life.

Look Forward – Not Back

When things are at their worst, it’s easy to look back to try to figure out exactly where things went wrong and then analyze the many different ways you could have changed it back then. Stop.

By constantly looking in the past, you’re not focusing on the future, on the here and now, and this is an important step when it comes to regaining power and control in your life.

Constantly look forward to the changes you plan to make and the effects those changes will have. To help you in the task of looking forward, create a timeline or a set of defined goals to help keep you focused on the future – not on the past.

This timeline or set of goals does not have to be too complex. Its intent is to provide you with a roadmap of how to get from where you are now, to where you want to go in the future. On this timeline, it can list the day when you may want to start a diet and exercise program. You can state when you want to take a class at the local community college or meet with a professional resume writer. The idea is to list as many things as you can that will help you move your life forward, not back.

The power of the written word is remarkable. Written goals seem to have more teeth than spoken goals. In other words, rather than talking about how you plan to regain control of your life, write it down instead.

Once written, these goals will provide you with more accountability and inspiration. In essence, you are creating a blueprint to follow. Reviewing this blueprint on a daily basis will help you see the progress you are making. Feel free to check things off once accomplished – this action will give you even greater confidence and momentum.

A word of caution: Your goals, like your life, are dynamic. If you need to change or alter your goals because of some unforeseen or uncontrollable situation, then give yourself the latitude and grace to do so without self-condemnation.

Think of your goals as the ingredients to create the recipe for the life you want to create. If you need to make adjustment along the way, that’s okay. The end result is what you make with what you have been given. By looking forward and having a plan, you are in a better position to get what you want.

Open to receive

http://keys-to-success.blogspot.ca/2007/05/open-to-receive-by-kathy-atkinson.html

Kathy Atkinson

Open to Receive

Do you begin your day feeling energized and enthusiastic? Are you glad to be alive and anticipate a day of fun? Or, do you start out feeling grumpy, tired and out of sorts? Do you drag yourself through each day feeling as if you are not receiving the things you desire? Each new day brings us an opportunity to set our energetic tone for that day.

Managing our energy system is as important as eating on a regular basis, bathing, brushing our teeth and moving our bodies. We all have the ability to manage our mood and attitude. It is a decision we can make from moment to moment.

Here is a simple and effective exercise to help you set your energetic tone for the day.

Open to Receive

As soon as your feet hit the floor in the morning, stand tall and place your feet shoulders width apart. Raise your arms up in the air creating a V shape over your head. Look up to the sky and breathe deeply. Then declare to yourself and the Universe…I Am Open to Receive.

With your eyes open or closed…

Imagine you are an open channel to receive what you desire.

Imagine that the Universe is ready and willing to bless you.

Feel all that you desire being funneled down to you.

Be as general or as specific as you like. If you want new clients or customers, state I am open to receive a new client/customer today.

Other possible statements to use:

I am open to receive love today.

I am open to receive abundance today.

I am open to receive joy today.

I am open to receive laughter today.

I am open to receive fun today.

I am open to receive freedom today.

I am open to receive health today.

I am open to receive friendship today.

I am open to receive prosperity today.

I am open to receive abundance today.

I am open to receive ____________ today.

Always set your tone for the day by using this exercise first thing in the morning. I also encourage you to use this exercise throughout the day. Here are some other suggested times of the day to use this process.

Whenever you are out in nature

At sunrise or sunset

Each time you are in front of a mirror

During the commercials on TV

While you are waiting at a traffic light

Before you eat a meal

Right before bed

You deserve to receive anything and everything your desire. Begin each day open to receive.

Action Challenge

If you feel like a victim of your circumstances and you are not happy with your life situation, I challenge you to take charge of your life. Use this simple exercise every morning for one month, and see what happens.

Letting go

LETTING GO OF PEOPLE OR SITUATIONS IN YOUR LIFE THAT DON’T SERVE YOU ANYMORE

If there were one thing in your life you could let go of today that would bring you peace and simplify your life what would it be?

Perhaps it would be letting go of a grudge you are holding onto or a problem that keeps reoccurring or fear of lack of money or simply worrying about situations you have no control over. What would happen if you just made a decision right now and let it all go?

Think about one thing you want to let go of that does not serve you anymore, take the time to be still and sit in silence and connect with what it is you want to let go and visualize what your life would look and feel like without this situation.

Almost instantly you can sense the body relax when you make a conscious decision to let go. There is freedom in letting go of situations in our life that do not serve us anymore. There are times we cannot change our life circumstances but we can certainly change the way we choose to interact with them.

The mind becomes fixated with things we have no control over and it’s useful to recognize what we do have the ability to change, and that which we cannot change, and then totally let go and trust that life will unfold just as it should. We hold onto relationships, jobs and the need for material processions that don’t serve us anymore and we deplete our energy by trying to hold onto something that just doesn’t want to happen.

Have you ever experienced the feeling you are trying to put a square peg into a round hole and the amount of energy it takes to do that? If you really pay attention when a situation in your life is meeting with resistance, there is truly a reason for it. Sometimes we can’t know where our life journey is taking us but if we just get out of the way and stop resisting what wants to naturally happen, our life suddenly begins to flow with ease.

Take the time to recall a time in your life when you did indeed have no idea where life was taking you and now if you reflect back on that time you might discover this to be true. Perhaps it was a job you really wanted and did not get, and then, y the perfect job found YOU or maybe it was a home you wanted to purchase and your offer was refused and then bingo the perfect house came along. Same goes for a relationship, we try to hold onto someone in our life when it’s clear the journey is over and then when you finally let go, it provides the space for new people and circumstances that are more aligned with your values to come into your life.

Make conscious decision today to stop trying to make the circumstances occur in your life that don’t want to happen. Simply let go.

Many people have resistance to letting go and letting life ‘just be’ out of fear of not knowing what will happen, but there is an aliveness that comes along with not knowing what will happen tomorrow and the opportunities that will come your way.

Over the next week practice living life in the moment, be mindful of when you are holding onto a situation that naturally wants to change and then with awareness simply let it go. It may continue to come back up to challenge you because the mind is brilliant ant capturing your attention, but simply continue to consciously let go and let be.

Let go of all that doesn’t serve you anymore and discover the freedom that is available to you in the letting go.

Things that matter least are taking over...

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least”

As I make my list of successes and failures for the week I realize that the things that I want to be letting  go of or cutting back on are taking over the time I need to work on the things I want to improve on. Basically I spent two full days preparing for meetings at the food bank and did not get anything I wanted to do done as a result. This also left me angry and frustrated with the people and the job which impacted the rest of my week.

Anita and Bobbi Jo came to visit for the weekend which in the end was loads of fun but I certainly had way too many stupid issues along the way....

Before they came I managed to get the entire house organized, my halloween decorations brought out and most of them set up.

I cleaned up the unfinished area of the basement and decided that it can be used as a rec-room for the kids to use for parties and I will be able to put the futon in there so at least it won't go to waste when I buy new furniture for downstairs.

At the end of the weekend I managed to finally re-cover my kitchen chairs. I can't believe I did not do that sooner. They look great and it was fast and easy to do.

Progress Report (Week 2) Sept. 23

This week's successes:

• I am only on day five of my meditations but in all fairness I have listened to a couple of them twice. 
• I have managed to make the time to join two yoga classes and stick with it.
• I took apart my kitchen chairs and recovered them. 
• I met with the kitchen cabinet guy and went to Ottawa to pick out stain. I will call him to confirm after I meet with the decorator.
• I had an idea about rearranging things downstairs so that I am not wasting furniture.

To follow up on:

• Meeting with the interior designer this coming week to get her input
• Meeting with Michelle this week to look at houses and cottages
• Need to meet with Patti this week about the gym.
• I have booked my follow up appointment with the doctor re my hip but the injection did NOTHING!

Things to work on:

- Increase meditation and yoga to 5-7 days a week

- Wake at 6AM every day

- cut back hours at the food bank

- read cards on loving yourself

- book a trip to Vipassana

- do something about gym membership

Sadly this last list is an exact copy of what it was last week so clearly these items need work!

- find low back pain exercises and start doing them
- QUIT Typs. Even if I can't find a replacement I have to stop going out there and give them my final invoice!!

Coping with travel

I have to find a way to keep my routines even when I am in a different location. I spent the night at Dale's after dance class. We had a great visit but it is difficult to maintain my routines in a different environment. I did do my meditation and am looking at my homework for my cards.

Choose Powerful Interpretations

OK Week 2?? getting back on track.

I didn't get up at 6AM but I did listen to my meditation and have read my first "Best Year of Your Life" card. Today's card is 'Choose Powerful Interpretations' and it actually resonates well with me. I received an e-mail last week from the Yoga Connection. I haven't responded yet but this is a great opportunity to put this card to practice.

Our interpretations of events influence how we feel about ourselves. My interview with the Yoga Connection really took away from the quality of my life, it influenced how I feel about myself as a yoga instructor. It was painful, embarrassing and hurtful. I need to examine this event and change my interpretation:

My memory of this event is that I was tired, I was nervous and I wanted to impress the people who were interviewing me or attending my class. When I found out through someone else that I did not get the job it was embarrassing. I am from Perth and wanted to teach in Perth. The way I found out about it was also hurtful. I don't feel that I was given the same opportunity for feedback or discussion as the other candidates were and I don't feel that the people from the Yoga Connection took the time to get to know me and what I could offer the organization. I don't see how it would have hurt for me to be given an opportunity to teach a class at a time that was not part of their main schedule rather than being allowed to teach as long as my name was not connected with the Studio.

Three positive interpretations of this occurrence:
- I was new to teaching and was told that it was not uncommon for teachers to need time to develop the skill of teaching. Other's working at the studio had also needed time to get comfortable. So this outcome was not uncommon for the yoga instructors that I looked up to.
-I was given positive feedback and was able to take this feedback to build my skills. I was also given the opportunity to use the space and referenced to a group that became one of my first classes. This feedback challenged me to look at sequencing and build my skills in this area.
- This was my first experience teaching so it gave me the practice I needed to move on and move forward. It allowed me the opportunity to meet Darlene and start teaching in Smiths Falls where I enjoy the energy and style of the instructors. I fit in very well there.

Today is week 2 of my yoga and belly dance. I am looking forward to that and have been spending more time with Dale. It has been great getting to know her and share some of our experiences.

Progress Report Week 1 (Sept. 14, 2012)

This weeks successes:

- Went to yoga twice
- started belly dancing
- purchased glass for stained glass
- met with interior decorator
- called two people re staining kitchen cupboards and managed to meet with one
- had cortisone injection for hip/back
- planned a full weekend - golf tournament and visit to Montreal for Anita's birthday
- met with Colleen about french classes
- meditated 3 days in bed
- Quit job at TYPS


In the works:
- looked into spanish classes
- looked into buying a cottage
- I have been invited to visit Linda
- I have been invited to visit Merillee



Things to work on:
- Increase meditation and yoga to 5-7 days a week
- Wake at 6AM every day
- cut back hours at the food bank
- read cards on loving yourself
- book a trip to Vipassana
- do something about gym membership

Progress is slow but steady...

On Monday I joined a yoga class and a belly dance class in Brockville. That started me off on the right foot. I talked to the kids and they were OK with having to make dinner for themselves on Monday's. This gives me two classes for myself and an opportunity to visit with Dale and possibly get to know people in Brockville. Dale said I am welcome to stay with her any time I don't want to drive back.

I also quit my job with TYPS. It has been more and more negative working there and it no longer gives me the same sense of pleasure. It just frustrates me.

I found someone in Perth who holds conversational French classes so will be meeting with her on Wednesday. It's not spanish but it is a start.

The Best Year of Your Life cards are now beside my bed so I can start looking at them before I get out of bed in the mornings.

Joanna e-mailed me about starting back swimming in the mornings so I am going to do that two mornings a week as well. One way or another I am getting this body in shape!

I e-mailed and called someone about re-finishing the kitchen cupboards but have not heard back yet - this is typical. I have two other names so I may go ahead and move to number two tomorrow.

Doug and I purchased a mattress for his trundle bed and I have started the design for my stained glass valance. Nancy and I will be shopping for glass on Thursday.

Finally, I am considering purchasing a cottage. I can use it a couple of weeks a year and then rent it out the rest of the summer to cover the costs. I will have to meet with the cottages unlimited people to see how they operate. I also spoke to Debbie Zielinski about it as she opens and closes cottages for people.

I am having a pot luck at the end of the month and have tried to expand my circle and attract some different people. We'll see how that goes.

Cold is a deterrent...

OK so officially today is day one. I don't mind getting up early. My body is use to it and I don't seem to require as much sleep as I once did.

I hate waking up with morning breath. This seems to go hand in hand with red wine. Although I didn't drink wine while I was in Nepal and I still woke up with morning breath. My bathroom is steps away from my bed so this can be dealt with. My problem is the cold. I hate getting out of bed when it is cold. I did my meditation laying down in bed. I know you are not supposed to do this but it helps. I can't see myself getting out of bed and sitting in a cold room to meditate. I also did a few stretches this morning while in bed. I will have to look up the back stretches from the course I took and find my cards. I think for me to do these things I will have to start my routine in bed. After a half hour of waking up slowly and getting use to the colder temperature I think I will be better able to start a routine. The more I can do while still under the warmth of my covers, the more I am likely to stick with.

Don't wait...start the change

Officially I was waiting until Monday to start. Why do we always start things on Mondays?? I thought I would give myself a full week to recover from my jet lag and the overwhelming amount of paperwork that always seems to collect. Not to mention work and everything that has built up there.

I contacted an interior decorator before I left on my holiday so I have made an appointment with her today. The start of my change is going to be my house. Your house should be where you are most comfortable and I have never been. No matter how nice my house I am always looking at it like it isn't good enough. Part of it is the 'grass is always greener' syndrome or 'keeping up with the Jones'. My house when I was married was pretty amazing and I haven't had anything quite like it since. It will be hard to beat. I first moved to a very small war time home where I was happy but it was at least a third the size and I was only renting. This was a stepping stone..or that's what I told myself. I then purchased a four bedroom home on Mather St and did extensive renovations to it. Inside it was beautiful, unfortunately I was right beside the railroad tracks. It always bothered me and I did not want to sink another dime into it and not be able to recoup my investment. I never saw this as a permanent home. It was also in a bad neighbourhood. I barely broke even on that and purchased a house at the other end of town. This one is more convenient for the kids although I think I would have preferred to be right in town. I can't believe I keep doing this to myself. I have now spent a significant amount of money renovating or upgrading this home and I still look at it as sub standard...why can I not be happy.  So I have decided to at least do what I need to to make it enjoyable. I won't tear apart the place but I have been here for four years and still don't have curtains! Things need to get better than this. I buy new furniture and then don't like it, I renovated the basement and am now regretting that a bit.

So all of that to say that making my home comfortable is going to be a priority. I want to walk in the door and look around and be happy about what I have and not stressed about what needs to be done.

Living Room:

• curtains
• TV stand

Kitchen:

• blinds
• stained glass valance
• recycling centre
• paint cupboards
• sitting area
• paint
• repair hutch
• 
  

Dougals' bedroom:

• New mattress for trundle bed

Spare Room:

• Yoga & meditation area

Master Bedroom:

• New bedspread

Main Bathroom:

• New Vanity/sink
• toilet that works

Foyer:

Laundry Room:

• Paint

Rec Room:

• new sofa (sectional)

Hailey's Room:

• fix wiring for lights
• 
  

It is time for a change...

It is September, what I consider New Years. The summer is over, the kids are back to school, courses are starting...if ever there was a good time to make New Years resolutions it's now. For me this is New Years.

I just spent the month of August in Nepal. Put work and life on hold and went out to explore the world or at least one small part of Asia. Now that I am back I have decided it is time to stop thinking about all of the things I want to do and start doing them.

• In January I took a Vipasanna Meditation course and came back telling myself I would meditate every day twice a day.
• Two years ago I took my yoga teachers training and then became certified in Ashtanga and told myself that ever day I would practice yoga.
• Last Winter I took a second stained glass course and told myself I would continue making things so that come Christmas everyone could have a stained glass Christmas present.
• Last summer I joined the local gym. I think I may have gone a dozen times. In July I finally put the membership on hold as I hadn't been there in weeks.
• My mother, or maybe it was me, bought a box of cards that you are suppose to read every week. One for every week of the year. I was really enjoying them as they gave me a small project and something to think about every week. I did this for about six weeks.
• Started learning spanish. First I took a class at the university, then I purchased more than one spanish lessons on tape/CD, 7 years ago I signed up for lessons at a local coffee shop for at least one or two sessions and have attended the very basic class at the resort in Mexico where I have a timeshare.
• At one point I told myself I was going to read the bible.
• I can't count the number of times I told myself I would loose weight and keep it off.

I can't list all of the things that I have said I would like to do or have started and not completed. This year I am going to start and finish them. Decide what is important to me and 'Just Do It'

I don't want to be negative and start listing all of the things I haven't done so maybe I should start by a little feel good exercise and make a list of the things I have accomplished in my 46 years of life.

• received my 3 Yr Business Administration Diploma
• Graduated from the CGA program
• Started my own business - twice
• Ran a marathon, several half marathons, and multiple road races 5K-15K

• Obtained my Yoga Teachers Training Certificate and started teaching 

• Took a couple of meditation classes
• Raised money for cancer and diabetes

• Learned how to do stained glass

• Took scuba diving lessons and then went on to take my advanced scuba certification
• Purchased 4 houses: One when I was married, two as a single mother since then and one as a rental property.

• Travelled the world...Nepal, Thailand, India, Costa Rica, Mexico, Ireland, France, England, Dominican Republic, Jamaica, United States, Canada....